This is an email I just wrote to my so-very-reachable sisters:

So- this is a picture of a HUGE spider, that i killed tonight. im pretty sure i shed a tear, and was sweating bullets thinking it was going to kill me in my sleep, and nick. and i called you BOTH for moral support, and you didn't pick up. some sisters you are!!! (although i dont blame you because its possible that you thought i was calling about a loud crashing noise that ended up being a picture frame... again). lord help me.

This picture does not do it justice at all. It was about the width of my hand including its legs, and it's body was like the size of 2 quarters, thick, and FURRY. I smashed it so hard, and after 20 mins of me trying to figure out how i was going to get it outside (thats when i called you both), i went over to it with a spatula and it sensed me and MOVED ITS ONLY WORKING LEG. the other legs were separated and a few inches from the body. so i counted down "3-2-1" and smashed the shit out of it again, until it was a small pancake.

I then continued to search pictures on google images, determined to figure out what kind of spider it was, and what it would have done to nick if it had reached him!!

i have never been so scared in my life.
....the life of 116 central....

more wine please. it looked like some genetic mutation occurred between a frog and small BIRD.
UGH. repulsive.